but for this moment, I'll post


http://jointheimpact.wetpaint.com/album/64218/Colorado+Photo+Album/photo/2765478/Denver+Join+The+Imact+Rally+Sign




this was the sign i made and used in the Denver Join the Impact Rally against Prop 8. my feet hurt. People took pictures of the sign. I'll post them as I find them

http://jointheimpact.wetpaint.com/page/Colorado

Tags: gay marriage

I'll be ending this incarnation of my blog and starting up another somewhere for the ease of readership. Those who want to read the new version will have to contact me via the usual channels.

the net is vast and infinite.

more of my own expunged body mass than i knew was possible, a bulimic moment after moment this week thanks to food poisoning,

the body of man ejected from his over flipping SUV sans head, said headless body to be struck by an opposite oncoming car seconds later, and

the body of a suicided twelve year old girl with her head split open like a halved melon, her brains, teeth, and tongue pink and purple and red and looking horrifically like exploded bubblegum, one eye on one side of the split skull, her other eye on the opposite part that flopped away to the right... and that beautiful wonderful person she had been, gone in three seconds that it took her to plunge the three stories from the shopping center roof, blood pouring from her wound like an ocean or iron-scented tomato soup...her jaw bow reflecting odd light as the bone beneath the skin was two pieces...

and a private conversation of mine splattered on the web.

these are the things ive seen this week... and to top it all off, my friends, my computers, both decided to fail this week. Yay.

Current Location: work
Current Mood: exanimate
Current Music: pod runner

I should be drawing. practising. I crave drawing, but for gods sake there is no blank paper, my life is a paucity of blank paper, so I write, trying to scry the visual into the written words, spoken deafly in the mind. And it comes out sounding like crap, like this.

I've been trying to lose weight, and draw, and get my mind back together. I'm not having many nightmares right now, which is good, and my general practitioner wants me to take Seroquel... I'm uneasy about that, moreso for its implications. I'm not very good with people, these days, and my mind feels like a formica floor splashed with shards of stain glass depictions of memories that made sense long ago.

i feel like I'm in a long queue, like the ones at theme parks, with the cage walls to ensure the line doesn't stray, and I feel crushed towards something I do not want, like a crowd of people surrounds me, and is carrying me forward. I can't turn away.

Tags: sadness
Current Location: work
Current Mood: exanimate
Current Music: Aphex Twin, Wax the Nip

Tags: gays
Current Location: home
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: kiss the girls

This was a triumph
I’m making a note here: huge success
It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction
Aperture Science
We do what we must because we can
For the good of all of us
Except the ones who are dead
But there’s no sense crying over every mistake
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake
And the science gets done and you make a neat gun
For the people who are still alive
I’m not even angry
I’m being so sincere right now
Even though you broke my heart and killed me
And tore me to pieces
And threw every piece into a fire
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you
Now these points of data make a beautiful line
And we’re out of beta, we’re releasing on time
So I’m glad I got burned, think of all the things we learned
For the people who are still alive
Go ahead and leave me
I think I’d prefer to stay inside
Maybe you’ll find someone else to help you
Maybe Black Mesa
That was a joke, ha ha, fat chance
Anyway this cake is great
It’s so delicious and moist
Look at me still talking when there’s science to do
When I look out there it makes me glad I’m not you
I’ve experiments to run, there is research to be done
On the people who are still alive
And believe me I am still alive
I’m doing science and I’m still alive
I feel fantastic and I’m still alive
And while you’re dying I’ll be still alive
And when you’re dead I will be still alive
Still alive
Still alive

Tags: alive
Current Location: bed
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: portal

anger, blood, body dysmorphic disorder, change, coffee, communication, computers, craziness, crushes, death, depression,, eating disorder, ed, emotion, evolution, eww!, exhausted, fat, fear, fight, friends, friendship, fucked up addict, furious, i want to die, ill, illness, insomnia, job life, life in tags,, loneliness, love, memories, mental illness, money, nostalgic, pain, personally stupid, radio silence, rage, self-hate, sick., stupidity, suicidal, the past, tired, tired sad, trouble, ugliness, ugly, vanity, violated

Tags: anger, blood, body dysmorphic disorder, change, coffee, communication, computers, craziness, crushes, death, depression, eating disorder, ed, emotion, evolution, eww!, exhausted, fat, fear, fight, friends, friendship, fucked up addict, furious, i want to die, ill, illness, insomnia, job life, life in tags, loneliness, love, memories, mental illness, money, nostalgic, pain, personally stupid, radio silence, rage, self-hate, sick., stupidity, suicidal, the past, tired, tired sad, trouble, ugliness, ugly, vanity, violated
Current Location: living room
Current Mood: exanimate